


Touch

by Maud_mzr



Series: Haikyuu!! Oneshots x Reader [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Touch Aversion, a bit of angst, because I can't handle sad endings, cuddling if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27228415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maud_mzr/pseuds/Maud_mzr
Summary: You have touch aversion and have a hard time dealing with it in your relationship with Oikawa so you withdraw. Oikawa decides to adress the issue and fluff ensues. (I'm terrible at summaries part3)
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Series: Haikyuu!! Oneshots x Reader [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986574
Kudos: 37





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: this oneshots revolves around the fact that Reader has touch aversion
> 
> I actually cried writing this one shot (and reading it again) as it was mostly based on my own experience. I know that touch aversion is different for everyone so you might not connect with what I wrote but I hope you’ll like it.

You and Oikawa started dating more than four months ago and if someone asked you, you’d say you were going well. The volleyball captain had asked you out over and over again until you agreed since you seriously doubted his intention knowing his past dating-life and that he was kind of a player with girls’ hearts. Eventually you decided to give him a chance of winning you over and, well…. He did. Now you were in a happy relationship.

You two still had ups and downs but according to everyone you were the ‘dream couple’ type. You had good grades and helped your lover a lot with his. You got along very well with his friends -they actually loved you very much, especially Iwaizumi who you considered a best friend- and he got along well with yours.

Nothing is perfect though, everyone knows that and it applies to yours and Oikawa’s relationship too.

Thing is you have touch aversion. Whenever someone touches you, you get this anxiousness hitting you brutally and depending on the area, you get different levels of panic attacks. Yes, this was serious. Rather serious as you started dreading your encounters with Oikawa. The boy didn’t mean any harm and you knew it, he just wanted to show his affection but he was extremely ‘touchy’ and it seemed like he had a hard time keeping his hands to himself. Usually you’d just brush it off but lately it’d become harder and harder for you.

Nobody knows about your ‘condition’ tough, and you refused yourself to tell anyone because you knew they would brush it off or plain laugh in your face, just like everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, you tried to tell your close family about it. Key word, ‘tried’. Let’s just say that it didn’t turn out well for you.

-

You were discussing the matter that you never really responded to physical affection such as hugs and tried, it seemed, to avoid kisses at all costs, with your father. You had decided that you should trust him and tell him the reason behind your ‘odd’ behavior.

He just brushed you off saying that you were obviously overreacting and that you were just a whiny brat only wanting attention and trying to find excuses.

There’s no denying that it hurt you, really bad. You actually felt your heart becoming heavy, too heavy and too painful to support. In this moment you felt betrayed, you wanted only one thing, crying your heart out and getting out of here, but your pride got in the way, as usual, and you found yourself trying to argue that you were, in fact, saying the truth. Obviously, it was useless and you just went back to you room, head hanging low as you fought back the tears not allowing anyone to see you in such a weak state. What made it worse was that your mother and your brother were there when it all happened and they did and said nothing, your brother even agreeing that you were making a whole lot of nothing.

Once in your room you had just thrown yourself in your bed, balling under your covers and cried thinking about how unsupportive your family was. In this moment, you hated your family for making you feel like you were abnormal and worthless. It was all just so unfair. You never asked to be the way you are and you never intended to become like that. You knew that it was normal, that **you** were normal, but apparently you couldn’t let anyone know, so you did just that, after that day you forbid even the thought alone of telling anyone to cross your mind.

-

Oikawa wasn’t stupid. He knew something was up with you but he hoped you’d tell him yourself and that you trusted him enough to do so.

He tried not to push you but he couldn’t help but to notice these little things. It wasn’t like that when you started dating but now he noticed that whenever you two were alone you seemed tense. You also always pulled back as soon as he would try to rest his hand on your thigh. Thinking back the famous setter thought that he just failed to see it or that you were better at hiding it back then. You also seemed to pull back when your hands brushed while walking. Of course it was intentional on Oikawa’s end, to try and hold your hand while walking beside you, but as soon as there was contact, your hands disappeared deep within your uniform pockets, out of his reach.

You never saw it because you thought you were good at hiding it, but Oikawa would often frown when it happened and his face and heart both fell each time. It hurt him, because he thought that you didn’t like him anymore.

Before doing anything drastic, he decided to talk to Iwaizumi to make sure the ace wasn’t aware of something you hadn’t told your lover for whatever reasons. Well, it seemed that it wasn’t the case and somehow the flirtatious captain felt even more dejected than before. He would follow Iwa’s advices though, which was formed as a simple “talk to her idiot-kawa!” More of an order than an advice but it was as good as he’d get from his childhood friend.

-

Oikawa had asked you to come over with such a grim expression that you were left baffled, only nodding in agreement. What was up with him? Why was he acting so distant all of a sudden? Tooru was always cheerful and flirty, no matter what, so what the hell could have happened to make him feel so… empty?

You decided to wait for the end of the day to know what was all that about.

Hours went by awfully slowly as each time you sneaked a glance at your boyfriend you’d find him just looking blankly in front of him. Usually you’d find him already looking at you and he’d throw a wink your way with one of his dazzling smiles before turning his attention back to the lesson at hand. It was like he was a shell of himself. 

Classes were finally over but you still had to go through practice before being alone with Oikawa at last. During practice the setter seemed a little better, probably from playing his favorite sport with his friends and being able to focus on something else than what was so obviously bothering him, he still wasn’t back to his usual self though and everyone could feel it in the room as each time his eyes would lay upon you his expression would darken and the little progress he’d done before would go to waste, back to square one.

You actually felt a little hurt by his behavior and you started wondering what you could have done wrong but failed to find the reason as to why he’d act the way he was right now.

-

The walk to Tooru’s was made in complete silence which was unusual. Even if you weren’t the talkative type as you’d rather enjoy your calming music in peace, putting it in a low setting to be able to hear those around you, Oikawa always filled the silence, whether he was telling you about his day or anything really. And even when he didn’t feel like talking, the both of you would walk in comfortable silence, sharing your music with your lover as his arm would drape around your shoulders in a loving manner, one of the rare contacts you didn’t mind and actually are fond of.

This time though, the silence was tense, Tooru wasn’t even attempting to pull you closer to him and even seemed to put distance between the both of you. He didn’t ask for one of your headphones either and you were starting to be concerned about him.

Feeling your heart dropping, you decided against addressing the matter, thinking, hoping, that he just needed some time to figure it out, whatever ‘it’ was.

You reached his home a little while later and did as usual. Take off your coat and shoes, go in the living room, greet his parents and follow him to his room.

Once the door to his bedroom was closed you turned around thinking you’d finally get an explanation but you saw him grabbing some clothes and heading for the bathroom adjacent. Ah, seemed like you’d have to wait a little more.

When you heard the shower running, you went and changed in one of his huge sweaters and a pair of shorts. After so much time you were quite comfortable in his home so you just sat on his bed and started homework as you waited.

After a good fifteen minutes you finally heard Oikawa open the door back to the room. You looked up from what you were doing smiling softly at him hoping that he felt better and that it would soften him to know you were there for him.

It didn’t work though as it only seemed to confuse him. Finding you like that, so relaxed in his room and clothes and smiling softly at him made him wonder why you’d always pull away from his contact if you seemed completely normal the rest of the time. Not wanting to beat around the bush, he sat right in front of you, looking up at your big, sparkly and curious eyes, cursing you for being this cute and he asked,

“If you don’t like me anymore you should say it!” It seemed he had reached the point where he didn’t even think you liked him anymore.

You were shocked to say the least. You stayed there for a solid minute, gaping like a fish. You were honestly at a loss for words, what could you do, you weren’t ready for this. You had thought and imagined many outcomes for this conversation but _this on_ e took you by surprise.

Coming back to your senses, you quickly blinked then looked back at Oikawa’s expectant gaze “Why the hell would you think I don’t like you?” You asked a little outraged he could think that.

“I don’t know? You tell me” was the only answer you got as your boyfriend crossed his arms, huffed and turned his head away. Just great, now you had to deal with an angry, sad AND childish Oikawa.

You softened and kept going in an almost whisper, “Tooru, I’m not in your head, you need to talk to me about what’s bothering you.” He huffed again but still turned to look at you. “You’re one to talk, you obviously have a problem with me but you won’t say anything” “What are you talking about Tooru?” He let his arms fall in between his crossed legs and looked down, “Whenever I touch you, you pull away. Whenever we walk and I want to take your hand you put it in your pocket, whenever I get closer to you, you walk away, whenever we are just the both of us you seem tense, like you fear something but I haven’t given you anything to fear about so it seems obvious you don’t like me anymore. You must just not know how to break it to me, but now that I know, there’s nothing holding you back so you can go.” You could feel the sadness through each word he spoke. You heard it, the whimper he tried to hold back at the end, you saw the tears welling in his eyes even though he tried to swallow them back. In this moment you saw how much you had broken him. You saw how much he cared for you and how much your fear had impacted him. You felt your chest constrict at the sight of him so broken and it hurt you. It had gone too far. You needed to tell him. Overpassing all the promises to protect yourself you decided to put _his_ wellbeing over yours. “Tooru…” you whispered looking down, “I have touch aversion.”

You told him everything, how it felt, how it impacted your life, how you had promised yourself not to tell anyone, how you thought that maybe it would go away if you buried it deep enough inside because you _wanted_ him to touch you, you craved for his love but even if you wanted it, it still sent you in panic. The pretty setter listened to you rant, with each word he felt guiltier. He should have understood. All the evidence was there but he didn’t connect the dots. He felt horrible that you had to go through so much alone and that _he_ was the reason for most of your suffering.

“Hey Tooru,” your soft voice interrupted his thoughts and he looked back at you, you took him in your arms which surprised him, “don’t beat yourself up, you didn’t know and couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault, I should have trusted you and told you from the beginning.” You felt so relieved to finally have someone trust you and be there for you. You relaxed in his arms, sitting in his lap you wrapped your legs around his waist and tightened your hold on his back, your fists gathering some of the fabric of his shirt. He was completely stiff not wanting to touch you as to not trigger your anxiety. You smiled to yourself and huffed out a laugh, “Hold me back you idiot I told you… I like your hugs a lot” you added blushing profusely and hiding your red face in the crook of his neck. He laughed at your adorableness and held you tight against him.

You both stayed like that for a while, Oikawa relieved that you still liked him and that you trusted him enough to tell him and you basking in the love pouring out of him.

“Hey Tooru?” “Yeah?” “I love you” you whispered in his neck. He took your shoulders and looked fondly at you, “I love you too Princess”. He then closed the gap between your faces and kissed you sweetly, both of you smiling through the kiss.


End file.
